


Wild and Free (not all it's cracked up to be)

by musicspeakstoo



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicspeakstoo/pseuds/musicspeakstoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This whole thing started out with just Kevin and Ryan. It expanded to him and Maxim, Alex knows this, but can't help but feel like he ruined a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wild and Free (not all it's cracked up to be)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ice_hot_13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_hot_13/gifts).



> this is dedicated to ice_hot_13 and her wonderful foursome!verse that had me writing for a team that I don't even follow, because that's how cute this verse is.

They’re all cleaning out some of the junk from the garage when they find the videotape. It’s simply marked ‘Ryan and Kevin-summer’. Maxim is the one who finds it and when he does, he holds it up for the three of them to see. Ryan and Kevin look confused, as if they’re not sure when it’s from. And Alex has to bet it’s pretty old, considering it’s just the two of them on it.

They abandon their work and pile into the living room, Maxim on one end with Ryan tucked into his side, Alex curled up with Ryan’s arm around him and his feet in Kevin’s lap. They press play and what comes up is something like an indie movie. Ryan and Kevin are in a field of some sort and they’re laughing and wrestling. Both are tan and beaming. Alex hears chuckles on both sides of him and tilts his head up to see Kevin and Ryan grinning fondly at the screen.

Ryan says, “This was from when we-“ and Kevin cuts him off with a sigh and, “Yeah.”

They continue watching as screen!Ryan and screen!Kevin stop wrestling and lie panting in the grass. They look at each other and their grins have this edge to them, like they’re on top of the world and nothing can bring them down. Then, screen!Ryan leans over to screen!Kevin and says loud enough for the camera to pick up, “You make me feel alive,” and then they kiss. Alex can’t help but compare the boisterous Kevin and Ryan in the video to the Kevin and Ryan who are content some days to not do anything but laze about and kiss. He can’t help wondering,  _did I do this to them? Did I take away their brightness?_ He sneaks a peek at Maxim, who looks like he’s thinking the same thing.

The tape abruptly ends with Ryan walking over and shutting it off and Alex feels twin chuckles again as Kevin says, “I think we actually had sex in that field.”

Ryan nods his head and Alex can hear the smirk in his voice when he says, “I know we did, because we came back covered in dirt and scratches and I think we told my mom that we fell into a pricker bush or something.” The two of them laugh warmly and Kevin swings Alex’s feet off of his lap when he gets up to take the tape out.

Alex tries to not let it get to him, but he can’t stop thinking about it and the glances he shoots Maxim tell him that he’s not the only one. He knows that this whole thing began with just Ryan and Kevin and wonders what happened to those kings of the world that they felt that the two of them wasn’t enough. He wonders if maybe he had started out as an attempt to save a failing relationship and that they had just decided to keep him around.

When he first started his relationship with Kevin and Ryan, he was jealous that the first whole-hearted ‘I love you’ they had ever said was to each other and not to him as well. He now knows that just because he wasn’t included in it first, doesn’t mean they don’t love him with all their hearts, but after seeing that video he’s having doubts again.

It gets worse when Ryan and Kevin begin to disappear into other rooms together and don’t come out for a while. They communicate through looks that they give each other when they think Alex and Maxim aren’t looking. They have conversations in hushed tones that stop whenever Alex or Maxim enter the room.

Everything comes to a head a week or so later when Kevin and Ryan sit the two of them down and say that they have to go someplace for a few days and that they’ll be back soon. They don’t get any more specific than that and when Alex wakes up the next morning to a half-empty bed, he scoots over to Maxim and they clutch onto each other as Alex tries not to think about what would happen if Kevin and Ryan didn’t come back.

Those few days are miserable for Alex and Maxim. The whole time neither of them speaks a word in English, turning to their native language for comfort. At the same time, though, it makes Alex want to cry because he knows that his refusal to practice English has been hard on Kevin and Ryan, as well as the fact that he can only tell Maxim why. He curses himself for his irrational fear that learning English will mean forgetting French. He and Maxim sleep curled up together on the couch, both silently agreeing that the bed feels much too big. They get a phone call or two from Kevin telling them that they’ll be home soon and asking about how they’re doing. The calls are short and Kevin sounds distracted half the time. They never hear from Ryan.

Alex is woken up by the front door opening and he looks up to see Kevin and Ryan holding their bags and grinning similarly to the way they were in the video and he bursts into tears. Maxim wakes up, sees Ryan and Kevin, and then sees Alex and sits up as well. Ryan and Kevin both look worried and reach for Alex, but he just burrows into Maxim.

“Babe, please tell us what’s wrong. Why are you crying? Max, why are you upset?” Ryan pleads, sitting on the coffee table and Kevin goes and stands right next to him.

Alex manages to sob out, “We ruined your relationship and we didn’t know and then you were distant and then you were both gone.” He feels two sets of arms go around him and this time he doesn’t fight it, just lets himself be pulled into their embrace. He feels Kevin reach over and tug Maxim into their hold as well and feels it when Maxim starts to cry as well.

Kevin and Ryan pull back and sit across from Maxim and Alex on the coffee table. Alex sniffles and clutches Maxim’s hand and Kevin says, “Is that really what you think? That you ruined our relationship?” Alex nods and Maxim does the same. Ryan leans over and takes each of their hands in his, “I don’t know what made you think that, but you two are the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”

“But the video…” Maxim whimpers out and Alex bites his lip as he sees Ryan and Kevin shoot each other a look. Kevin nods, once, and they both sigh heavily. Kevin puts his hands over Ryan’s and Ryan looks like he’s struggling to say something. Kevin bumps his shoulder lightly and Ryan clears his throat, “I’m not gonna lie, Kevin and I were pretty great when we finally admitted we were dating. He made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t known I wasn’t…” A brief pause and then quietly, “But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. You two know us, know how passionate and riled up we can get. We fought, a lot. I sometimes forgot that I wasn’t all loudness and Kevin forgot that he wasn’t all sharp edges. Often we would end up screaming at each other and then walking out.” Alex inhales sharply, he’s never seen Kevin and Ryan walk away after a fight. Ryan hesitates, like he doesn’t want to continue, but he does.

“One night we were fighting and it almost got physical. I almost _hurt_ him.” The horror in Ryan’s voice is evident and Alex reels because sure they all argue, nothing is perfect, but he can’t imagine one of them hitting him, or vice versa. Kevin squeezes all of their hands and Ryan nuzzles Kevin before continuing, “We had a long talk about it after we’d both calmed down. We said that we would wait a few weeks and if nothing improved, we would try counseling.” Ryan’s expression clears suddenly, turning into something awed and loving, “And then you came along, Alex. You needed someone to protect you and someone to let you be vulnerable and that’s when I realized that there was more to me than being loud. And I just fell for you without being aware of it.”

“And then I met you, Alex, and I could tease you and joke around with you and I remembered that I’m not cruel. You added balance to our relationship.” Kevin adds, his expression mirroring Ryan’s. Then he turns to Maxim, his face softening into a fond smile, “There was still something missing, though, and that’s where you came in, Max. The way you hold fast with Alex when Ryan and I cave and the way that you make me feel like I have a purpose because you need me, and the strength and support you provide Ryan-you see, you guys didn’t ruin our relationship, you made it better.”

“And yeah, Kevin and I will always love each other a little differently than we love you two, but it’s more to be attributed to how we as people are and how our relationship began than the two of you coming into our lives.” Ryan leans forward and looks them both right in the eye, “We love you, fiercely and fully. Nothing can ever change that. And don’t either of you ever forget it.”

Alex launches himself at them, murmuring ‘ _Je t’adore_ ’ over and over again, hearing Maxim say “ _I love you_ ” over and over right next to him.

They’re all curled up in bed, later, and Alex is just about to drift off when he hears Maxim ask, “So where did you guys go?” Kevin and Ryan look at each other and smile fondly and Kevin replies, “We were helping out some acquaintances-sort of friends-who are in a relationship and wanted to bring in a third person. They wanted advice and Ryan and I figured that flying out there to talk to them in person would help more than doing it via phone.” Alex considers this, then asks, “Do you think they will work it out?” They’re both silent for a moment before Ryan says slowly, “Well, their third party is on a different team, so distance is going to be an issue, as is jealously. But, we know these guys well enough to know that they’re not rushing into this without any consideration and that they wouldn’t risk ruining the relationship between the two of them as well as the one between the three of them.”

Alex knows objectively that if there’s a gay polyamorous relationship happening on one team, then there must be other secret relationships, but to have it confirmed for him so casually is kind of a shock, one that Maxim must feel as well because he says, “I didn’t know that there were other gay hockey couples. I thought that we were the only ones.”

Ryan and Kevin snort in unison and Ryan adds, “No way, not by a long shot. I remember when we met our first one and how surprised we were. I also remember thinking that at least we didn’t have to worry about one of us being underage.”

“Ryan,” Kevin scolds affectionately, “Leave them alone, they're happy and in love and besides, it’s no longer an issue.” Ryan leans over to kiss Kevin in apology.

Maxim, Ryan, and Kevin banter back and forth sleepily and eventually Alex is the last one semi-awake. He thinks about how scared Ryan and Kevin must have been when they first asked him to join them and how much courage it took for them to admit their feelings for him to each other. He cuddles closer into Kevin and resolves not to feel jealous the next time Kevin and Ryan decide to have alone time. He loves all three of them and he knows that they love him, but he also knows how much strength it must have taken Kevin and Ryan to open up their relationship to not one, but two people and the thought makes him smile as he drifts to sleep safely cocooned in his lovers’ arms.


End file.
